I am in love….

•July 28, 2010 • Leave a Comment

For those of you who read my last post and wondered where the hell I have been for the last 5 months, here I am!

So much has happened.

I met the Love of my Life, The Policeman. He took a little while to grow on me, but really it was my own fault. I wasn’t looking for something terribly deep at the time, but when I met him, it was just right. We’re moving in together in a couple of weeks to a duplex in Sacramento. It has a little yard for his dog, a one car garage and plenty of space for the dog, him, me, my two cats, and our lives. Our conversations lately have turned to questions of what kind of couches to buy, where to get area rugs and whether to buy a Costco membership. We’ve combined car insurance, bank accounts, and cell phone plans.

I am going to marry this man.

I’ve also gained about 10 pounds as a direct result of this man wooing me. The drinks and dinners out do come at a price. I’ve shrugged my shoulders in indifference and switched my summer wardrobe to include roomy sundresses. I’ve also joined Policeman’s martial arts classes and gym to help remedy this problem. I’m fitter, and happier than I have ever been.

A few of his friends seem to think I’m bad news, but the way he has expressed things, they are only angry that he was the social one who planned all the parties and get togethers, and he was only planning them to meet women….and now that he’s met one, he no longer needs to take charge of it. The sentiment is nice, but the heat sometimes gets to me. I genuinely liked a lot of these people, and to find out suddenly they were all talking about me behind my back eats at me. There are two women in particular that bothered me. “The Loon,” who’s purse also serves as a mobile pharmacy who thinks I have brainwashed him into submission and “The Felon,” who despite having one felony warrant and two misdemeanor warrants believes I am a bad person. Our theory is that they aren’t seeing their friend as often as they would like, to which he replies “They aren’t my friends.”

They are no big loss to me. I tried to be friendly and share common interests. Loon stresses me out and I’m kind of glad I don’t need to be around her, and Felon had such a false facade that In choose to not know her. Neither are welcome in my home.

In more positive news, I have signed up to run another marathon this year. I’m going to attempt the California International Marathon once again!

No more hot messes….

•February 25, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Chaste Hug Guy and I have called it quits.

I guess “calling it quits” the wrong term. We grew apart, He refused to bend to my need for a relationship and I refused to compete for attention against his eating disorder. Plus I’m kind of a whore, so there’s that. He wanted to be “single,” so there’s really no getting mad if I cooperate and am single as well.

I haven’t seen him in over a month, I last saw him right before his birthday, then went off to see a friend in San Francisco where I picked out a gift for him. It still sits, wrapped, on my desk. The e-mails back and forth quickly went from “I miss you” to “good luck with that.”I’m really not sure why, but I’m not dwelling on it.  I started seeing someone else. Getting a response seemed to be like pulling teeth, so I sent a final “I won’t bother you anymore.”

He broke Jamie’s Dating Law #29:
Handle your bizzness and break up with me if that’s what you’re going to do.

Don’t leave me hanging for a month. I now have to go beg the men’s department at Macy’s to let me return a gift for store credit because the receipt has expired. His failure to cowboy up has cost me $70.  I hereby revoke his man card.

But, as I’ve said, I’m seeing someone else. A couple of someones, actually. I’m seeing The Hawaiian (a friend of Chaste Hug Guy) and The Policeman. I guess I’m seeing The Policeman more than The Hawaiian, since we’ve been out a couple of times and have a standing date this week, but while he’s a nice guy and all so we’ll see.

I’ve been out with a few others this month…

I’ve been out with The Liar, who just broke up with his girlfriend and whom I caught trying to call her from the bathroom while we were at the bar and insists on sending me pictures of his penis.

I’ve tried to go out with The Flake, who’s called me to make plans twice but has flaked both times.  I held him in violation of rule #1: Failing to follow-through twice equals a missed opportunity.

New rule for the dating manifesto: #41: I’m done dating men who have more issues than strippers.

So I’ll see where things go with The Hawaiian and The Policeman, and the rest of my cast of characters.  I find The Hawaiian crazy attractive, but he’s leaving down soon, so I’ll get my licks in where I can.

C’est la vie.

I dont compete…

•February 17, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I have a very strict rule of non-competition when it comes to relationships. I won’t vie for your attention or try to out-do the competition. If you have a date, I’m not going to try to offer you a better time.

I will not try to “top” your last girlfriend. I will not exert myself out of self-doubt.

You see, you’re either into me or you aren’t. Asking me if I “have a better idea” than your current evening’s plans gives me the idea that maybe I should make better plans– plans that don’t involve you.

What are you asking me, really? Are you hoping to turn your slight chance of getting laid with your current girl into a sure thing with me? You won’t. If you wanted to see me, you would have called me first.

And yes, I am a sure thing. If I agree to go out with you, odds are you’re getting some. I’m very selective about the people I date and have sex with. If I don’t think I’m going to be fucking you, I won’t date you.

I’m fun as Hell and don’t have to prove it to you. I’m way too cool for that.

Prison? Or Temple?

•February 13, 2010 • Leave a Comment

“My body is a prison, and I’m trapped in here.”

I’ve heard that phrase uttered so many times from friends, people on TV and others who are struggling to change their lives.

My body is a temple.

Imagine a monk’s quarters. It is a single room with just the necessities, a bed, a book, a pair of shoes. This is his temple. Prison is no different. Both monks and prisoners find themselves in these rooms through the  natural progression of their behaviors. Both can tell you when they either “saw the light” or “went wrong.”

The circumstances are the same, but the mindset is very different.

Are you your own warden, or guru?

Ohm Shanti.

•February 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

For once I am taking control of my own emotions and refusing to allow people to “make” me feel any way I do not wish to.

I’m opening the gates of my spirit and allowing all to enter, but not to leave a mess or take things that do not belong to them.

I’m learning, slowly, how to be a single person. It is difficult not to attempt to “schedule” this type of progress. I must let it happen. I will get there.

Still, I get lonely. I’d love nothing more than to see Chaste Hug Guy every day, but that’s not really feasible. I should instead be grateful for the time that I do have.

I feel that I’m completely over the end of my marriage, the man, and the division of a household, but acting like a married person is a hard habit to break.

It’s strange to me to come home late and not have anyone worried about me. The only one who gets mad at me anymore is my cat when I forget to feed him. I can play guitar at 6am and nobody is bothered. I can live off of Cliff Bars for a month and nobody says anything.

The freedom is often oppressive, and I don’t know what to do with my energy sometimes.

The answer of course is to spend this energy on myself.  I could go to the gym all day, take a class, make as much noise as I please and make impusive purchases that I don’t need to justify. I suppose the key is to find balance. My life is a pendulum of emotion right now, and eventually I will find my center.

Looking elsewhere…

•January 16, 2010 • Leave a Comment

So I haven’t seen Chaste Hug Guy in a couple of weeks.
I’m not sure if he’s just busy or maybe no longer interested, but it shouldn’t matter. I’m single and should act that way.
I’ve been too available. He hasn’t made a move to make any plans to see me, so I really need to relax and stop waiting until he does. Either he will, or he won’t, and the less I think about it, the better.
I briefly considered setting up an account at an Internet dating site, but have chosen instead to dip my toes in my ever expanding social circle.
And why not? I’m a catch!
I’ve got a great personality and curves that go on for miles.
It’s easier to breathe when I don’t hold my breath.

People treat you the way you allow them to treat you….

•January 11, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I had plans for New Year’s Eve with a friend, but he flaked and plans fell through.

I had plans with the same friend last night, but he canceled at the last minute in favor of a booty call. He texted me his cancelation as I was on my way out the door.

He doesn’t get a third strike. He’s done. I simply refuse to allow people to treat me this way. I am forced to refer him to dating rule #1. Besides, it’s just an immature thing to do when you make plans and something else comes up.

I don’t have time for this shit.

 
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