In a rebelliously negative mood today

Why did I use that laundry detergent?
How come I left two plates in the sink?
Why am I not absolutely perfect in every nuanced task that I perform?

I am so tired of this shit. I spent the weekend avoiding Daniel and his constant passive-agressive sighs, insistance that I do things precisely his way, and general tendency to suck all the energy out of the room.
It really is rediculous.
A couple of months ago he was taking money out of my bank account for “safe keeping,” apparently I am unable to manage my own finances despite being the only one of us at the time with a job. I tried to leave him several times of the last few months, only to find that *shock,* I was unable to buy a plane or train ticket because he had siphoned away my entire paycheck. I was eventually able to close the account and was given the option to press charges against him, but I declined. I just want out.
My current temporary job ends in July, and I’ve already purchased my plane ticket for August 5th. I have plans for school, plans for lodging, a regular weed guy, a tentative list of things to pack, a few job leads, almost everything I need to start a new life far, far away from here.
I have a few months left in my employment, so I really need to get started on the whole “saving money so I don’t starve to death” thing.
This whole thing is just so tiring.
In the meantime, I am going to make the most of my situation and hopefully spend my evenings at the gym and my weekends exploring this amazing city. I’d like to see all the museums in DC, I’ve never been to the National Zoo, or Gettysburg, or taken the train to New York, or done any of the things that people do when they want to explore their city. I’ve never gone running in the Tidal Basin, for christsake.
In the meantime, I’m bristling against Daniels “I want, I want” and silently biding my time.
I just want out.
It totally sounds cliche, but I was convinced that he was different. He certainly seems convinced that he exists on some higher plain than us mere mortals.
I finished school and left everything behind so that he could go to school and be great at some obscure career, but employers are as turned off by his arrogance as I am. Great, you went to college, so did everybody else in the tristate area, and your opinions don’t matter as much as someone with actual career accomplishments.
I’ve put my career on hold, working crappy job after crappy job so that he can….what? Take kungfu lessons? Sit on his ass watching movies?
I’m done with this. Freedom is just around the corner. 127 days to go.

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~ by jamiesnydertv on March 30, 2009.

One Response to “In a rebelliously negative mood today”

  1. I totally feel where you’re coming from. It’s a hard situation to be in and everyone around you says ‘oh it’s not that hard to get out’ but it’s harder than you know until you do it. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to just email.

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