My steamer trunk has great fashion sense…

I have a wonderful closet. Actually, I have three closets and a steamer trunk. One closet is full of summer clothes and shoes, another is stuffed with what I actually wear on a daily basis, one is full of stuff that may or may not fit and the steamer trunk is full of clothes that are super-stylish and fit for exactly 5 minutes back in 2006.

Let’s explore the steamer trunk, shall we? I have a lovely selection of jeans in there, cordoroys, and snug-fitting shirts. Some of these things were actually quite expensive, and looked fabulous when they fit.
They don’t fit now. A whole trunk of newish clothes that don’t fit.
I wish I could get all body positive and loudly declare “these pants don’t fit my ass, away with them!”

But I can’t.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to weigh 125 pounds. I even put it on my bucket list. Why? I’ve NEVER weighed 125 pounds! If memory serves me, I probably passed that weight at some point between 7th and 8th grade. If I’m reaching for some form of nostalgia, I can certainly think of better things to focus on than middle school.
Maybe it’s just that 125 seems like a nice, round number? Maybe it’s that when bathroom scales are on display in stores, the “display” weight is 124, and I just have to be a rebel and add a pound to that.

Whatever.

I think the lowest I weighed in my adult life was 138, when all those “wishful thinking” clothes actually fit. At that time people would also place extra servings of food on my plate and I was never able to hold my liquor.

Wishful thinking is powerful, though. It’s this thinking that has driven me to pack up and move with these clothes four times, two cities in California, Arlington, Virginia, Washington, DC, and now Takoma Park, Maryland. I just can’t bring myself to throw them away.

I’ve talked myself into thinking that I will wear these clothes on my trip back to California this fall, that I’ll achieve this bucket list item before then. Maybe I should just give up on this and start buying clothes that fit my body now. Maybe I’ll get down to 125 and find out its no big deal. Who knows?

Maybe I’m clinging to some outdated mental image of myself. Maybe I’m mourning the person I could have been, of course, its never to late to be the person you might have been.

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~ by jamiesnydertv on April 7, 2009.

2 Responses to “My steamer trunk has great fashion sense…”

  1. I keep all my skinny jeans right in the drawer next to my big girl jeans and often hold them up to see what I haven’t been in years.

    • Really? I keep my “thin” clothes in the trunk because I don’t want to go “duck, duck, duck, GOOSE.” every morning when I’m trying to decide what to wear and what fits that day.
      Luckily I’ve gotten in the habit of giving my “fat” clothes away, because it would piss me off to put them on one day and find out they fit.

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