On loving yourself enough to change….

“Does self-acceptance mean I’ve given up?”
– from the Sparkpeople message boards

Self-acceptance has been a long, hard road for me, and I’m certainly not unique in this aspect. Some of my favorite vloggers and bloggers have touched on this topic this week, and I feel its time that I weighed in, even if I am nowhere near as eloquent.

I have days where I am the most disgusting, unworthy, scum of the earth that ever existed. I feel that I should lock myself in a room, starve myself skinny and do doubled-up workouts for 100 days in a row.

I also have days where every step I take is a sexed-up gift from God. The sun shines on my deliciously defined and muscled body and every man quakes in his essense to catch a glimpse of my curvacious beauty.

Obviously, some days are better than others.

I suppose it’s important to point out that these varying moods are both the cause, and the effect of how I have been treating myself. A diet of crap and a sedentary lifestyle only leads to more self-destruction, and a trip to the gym and some organic greens has me skipping off to Tra-la-la Land.

They mystery, at least to me, is locating the tipping point between grabbing a melted Twix bar from the vending machine and taking a walk.
The results of these choices are amplified in the way I feel and how I treat myself, even if the deeds themselves are mere blips on the radar.

I suppose its like ripples in a pond.

I think this benign point is what we are all seeking. What exactly precipitates the point where I choose between something good and something not so good?

How does a glass of wine in the tub turn into a large pizza and a tearful fight?

Where does perspective change?

My fitness goals are well documented and widely known, and I have never stopped working towards them, but sometimes the reasons I persue those goals changes. I will run a few miles on the treadmill, but somedays I am running for the rush of adrenaline and some days I am running because I am a fat slob.

So self-acceptance, at least for me, doesn’t mean that I have given up. It means that I am working toward my goals as a reward, and not as a punishment. It means that I don’t need to penalize myself for not being the best, but I can always be better.


~ by jamiesnydertv on April 30, 2009.

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