In which I become a picky bitch….

I’ve dated a lot of men in my life.  Some I would date again in a heartbeat because they were endlessly stimulating in conversation, and others were so endlessly stupid that I would push them into traffic without hesitation.

What follows is a list of quirks that piss me off to no end…. 

1. You watch Professional Wrestling, UFC, or other type of stylized violence. Bonus points: you concede how stupid it is, and watch it anyway. Equally asinine is thowing a “viewing party” for these events. I do not have the energy to pick apart the homoerotic genderfuck that is fighting on TV. Oh, but I hear you now..”The WWE and the UFC are not the same thing!” Yes they are, and this conversation is over. You are an idiot.

2. You believe that 9/11 was engineered by our government, have theories on the JFK assassination, MLK assassination, or subscribe to any conspiracy theories. I don’t care if you saw a “really great” documentary on You Tube, you are an idiot. While I don’t actually hold any grudge toward people who seek out alternative points of view, I have an unending hatred for people who immediately latch onto the first fringe theory they are able to grasp, clinging to long-debunked statements such as “there were explosions at the bottom of the tower,” or “hitting JFK was a really tough shot.” In my experience there haven’t been a lot of people that could hold a coherent argument on these theories for more than 30 seconds, which fortunately is about as long as I care to listen to you.

3. You openly comment on women’s bodies. Whether you are being complementary or degrading, nobody’s body is public property or requires your analysis. Similarly, the phrase “Your ass is so much better than hers,” is not a compliment. I don’t recall putting up my ass, or hers, under your consideration.

4. You complain of being tired on a regular basis. Seriously? Every time I ask how you are you say “tired,” then want to go out to dinner. No, thank you. I don’t care what Maxim or Stuff or whatever shitrag you read told you, I will not be all “poor baby” and cuddly after you complain of being tired. If you’re that fucking tired, see a fucking doctor.

5. You begin sentences with “I’m sorry, but…” or end them with “…I’m just sayin’!” As in, I’m sorry, but you’re a dumbass, I’m just sayin’. If you have progressed educationally past the 7tth grade, you should have expanded your ability to speak without these verbal endcaps. A close runner up in the vocabulary of stupid is prefixing any statement with “but hey…”
I’m sorry, but hey, you should read a fucking book. Just sayin’.

6. You wear “Ironic” statements or pictures on your clothing. I’m not sure what you think “ironic” means, but you’re wrong. Wearing a shirt with a rainbow on it because you actually hate rainbows is contradictory, not ironic. Douche.

7. Your. You’re. They’re. There. Their. Learn the difference.

This concludes my rant. 

That felt good.


~ by jamiesnydertv on June 19, 2009.

One Response to “In which I become a picky bitch….”

  1. Concerning #1, does it count if you watch that stuff for the express purpose of making fun of it. I think I once added dialogue to a UFC fight that I was watching using nothing but quotes from Brokeback Mountain, Jay and Silent Bob, and grunting noises.

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