To that random dude….and every other random dude…

You noticed me walking down the street and, because I dared to enter you sacred line of sight as you and your buddies were on a smoke break, I thought I would respond with some insight that will a)perhaps expand your mind a bit and b)keep me from walking back there and ending your life….

1.  Yes, I have a big ass. Thanks for noticing.

2. My self-worth is not contingent on whether or not you (some random dude) would “hit that.”

3. Likewise, I really don’t feel bad if you state your intention NOT to “hit that” either. I don’t recall offering to bone you.

4.  I know you know that I can hear you when I walk by and you and your friends say “8” or “9” or on the rare occasion, “3.” It’s not clever, and your passive-aggressive rating system only serves to identify you as someone who regularly wakes up alone.

5. Oh, but I can hear you now…”But, but but! You can’t MAKE us find you attractive.” I think you’re missing the point here. I do not need to “make ” you do anything. My relative attractiveness-unattractiveness simply doesn’t involve you.

6. One more time….I do not care about your opinion of me. I was not put on this earth to be judged in passing by you, a random dude.

7. Let me explain your role in all this…you are some random dude. I do not know you, work with you, associate with you, or have any business with you whatsoever. The fact that I am audacious enough to dare come within your line of sight is not an invitation to offer your opinion. You are simply not that important in the greater scheme of my life. I know it’s difficult to accept that maybe you don’t matter, but you’ll get there.

8. “But I like girls with big asses/big noses/short hair.” Again, your opinion does not matter here. If I do not care about your derogatory comments, then I certainly do not care about your positive comments.

9. I am not acting like a “bitch” when I ignore you, I am simply ignoring you. It’s simple….if I don’t care what you have to say, I will not listen to it. You, however, are acting like a total bitch when you offer up your totally unsolicited opinion.

10. I am not a lesbian, and even if I was, the chances of me being receptive to your comments would still be exactly zero. Why would you assume I’m gay, when there are oh-so-many other reasons for me not to be interested?

11.  How exactly do you expect me to react when you honk at me or yell at me from your car? Are you expecting me to walk up to you, in traffic? Do you expect me to get in? I’m confused here. My theory is that you’re honking because you lack the verbal skills necessary to say hello and the impulse control necessary to park a car and introduce yourself, but please, prove me wrong.

12. Also? Slowing down in your car to keep pace with me as I walk down the street is just creepy, and frankly kind of threatening. I carry pepper spray in my purse for just such an occasion, but I could probably stab you and claim self-defense (After all, you were a very slow moving target). No jury would convict me.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that you don’t matter. You have no place in my sphere of existance.


~ by jamiesnydertv on July 2, 2009.

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