So today I had my moment….

Remember way back when, when I described my “moment?”

Today it happened.

For those who don’t remember (or don’t care), I often invisioned a moment so perfect in time that it ran over and over in my mind.

The content isn’t as important as the feeling.

For one brief, shining moment, I was content.

I have to get up at 4am on Tuesdays and Thursdays to make it to a 7:30am chemistry class. I have to walk a mile and a half to a bus stop, take three buses, and sprint off the final bus because it arrives 5 minutes after the beginning of my class. I made it to chemistry and had to sit on the floor due to overcrowding. It may be over a month until I have a chair to sit in.

Anyway, today I engaged myself fully into the subject, participated in the discussion, and left class feeling as if I had spent the hour learning something, rather than staring at the clock.

This wasn’t my moment, my moment came later.

After class and the subsequent lab session, I got myself a cup of coffee and went to a shady spot in the grass. I took off my shoes and my sweater, and read the novel I’ve been carrying in my backpack. I finished the novel and wrote in my diary for a while.

For one brief, shining moment, I was completely comfortable and engaged in what I was doing.

I wasn’t checking my blackberry for messages.

I wasn’t wondering about what to eat (or what not to eat).

I wasn’t pulling at my clothing and wishing I was thinner.

I wasn’t making plans for later.

I wasn’t chastising myself for what I did or didn’t do at someĀ earlier time.

I wasn’t wondering about some errant blemish on my face.

I wasn’t picking at my fingernails.

I simply was.

As soon as I realized what I was doing (or wasn’t doing, to be more precise) the moment was over.

It was so beautiful, and I hope to experience it again soon.


~ by jamiesnydertv on August 27, 2009.

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