Who am I?

My name is Jamie. I love apple fritters, daffodils, and having my shoulders kissed.

My thinking is sometimes fragmented. My passions sometimes get the best of me. I completed two bachelors degrees only to decide I wanted nothing to do with those fields. Now I’m studying nutrition and considering a switch to biochemistry. I hesitate to make the switch because later I’ll decide to go to law school or become an astronaut.

I never have a concrete goal, but I’m always moving forward.
I am unemployed, and remaining so mainly because I cannot decide who or what I want to be. I apply for jobs, yes, but my apparent lack of interest in fast food and car sales seems to hinder my progress.

Two years ago my identity was “Student.” I lost that identity upon my graduation and though I still attend classes, I do not hold that label as the center of my focus. My life right now revolves around a couple of generic science classes that I am taking at my Alma Mater. I am still searching for my label, my identity.

I am charismatic and fun, and I have been told that I am a good leader, but the problem is that I lack a core message and direction. A friend once told me that I’d make a great cult leader, but that I’d lose my followers when they realized that I never truly intended to hand out the Kool-aid.

I find shopping overwhelming. Whenever I go into a store the lights and people and sheer quantity of STUFF involved causes a lot of undue stress. Whenever people ask me to go to the store for them I get agitated. If I see something I like I feel anxious and ultimately buy one in every color, whether or not every color suits me. Lately I’ve managed this by gathering up one of every color, deciding that I am not going to buy them, and leaving them at the store.

I get jealous of strangers. I don’t like it when strange boys hit on pretty girls, because they should be hitting on ME, dammit! What’s wrong with me? And I really that defective? Am I fatter than that girl? I usually am.

My self worth is often dictated by whether or not I am the fattest woman in the room. Yes, I make a visual check every time.

I read magazines back to front. I always have. I don’t know why.

I think vomiting is the worst thing that can happen, ever. It’s traumatic. Dealing with someone else’s vomiting is almost as bad, and I’ve mentally gone into autopilot mode when caring for people who are ill. I’ve only been ill about 5 times that I can remember, and I’ve adjusted my food intake to exclude all the foods I ate prior to those instances.

I get fixated on goofy stuff. I like makeup. I watch the Biggest Loser and will sleep with my computer playing Family Guy reruns all night. I like to draw and color. I like stickers. When I get ridiculed for these interests, I simply take them underground.

I am sexually very dynamic. I love to try new things with new people. I’m very receptive to male advances. I crave them insessantly. I love kissing and touching and rubbing and dryhumping and all the things that come with a few too many drinks on a weeknight. But I don’t give myself away flippantly. If I bed someone once, its likely that I’ll want to bed them again. The only reason I wouldn’t would be if they were truly horrible or if there was some sort of grooming/odor issue.

I think cunnilingus is some sort of magical man secret. Whenever I’m with someone who surprises me with this little delight, my thoughts go to “wait a minute, how do YOU know about that?” There are so few men who are capable of it, and that’s a real shame. I was recently with one man who proceded to lick my general frontal pubic region with a flat tongue. I’m sure he wonders why I haven’t returned his calls.

I sometimes fancy myself as a writer, but often cannot find a subject that holds my attention for more than a couple of pages. This is why I blog.

My blog is dedicated to my bucket list, and the items on my bucket list are rather closely related to the fact that I rarely follow through on my ideas. For example, one of the items is to completely fill a journal. I’ve started and forgotten about more journals than I can remember. I have stacks of them that all have about the first 20 pages filled in, and then they stop. My current journal is about halfway filled, and I’m incredibly proud of that.

There are times that I long to be waifishly thin, and others that I am prould of my natural solid curves. It usually depends on whether or not I was recently the fattest woman in the room.

So that’s me…in a nutshell.


~ by jamiesnydertv on September 29, 2009.

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