I come from a long line of racists….

The scene: Circa 1992. I am 10 years old and watching TV with my mother. I forget the name of the show, but one of the characters is a gay African American man. He is flamboyant in a way that is meant only for comic relief.

Me: I always see White gay guys and Black gay guys on TV. How come they never show any Asian gay guys?

My Mother: That’s because Asian people are smarter, dear.

Me: (thinking for a moment about the inherent racism in this comment but not having the vocabulary to question it, I decide to prey on her mindset) Is that why there are never any  gay Mexicans on TV? Is it because Mexicans are smarter?

My Mother: Oh don’t be silly.

This conversation stuck out in my mind for many years, and was relived in a Class and Racism course I took in college in which I was one of the only White students. The discussion topic centered around how racism affects everybody. It affected me because it is remarks like this that keep me from bringing boyfriends home to meet my parents. My parents simply think I am unlucky in love. It has alienated me from my parents and kept me from letting the people I love truly “in.” Even in the off occasion I bring home a blond, blue-eyed man, the conversation centers around his heritage.

I prefer to date darker-skinned men. I am immensely attracted especially to men of Hispanic, Arabic and Indian descent. Why would I bring home someone that would be openly called a “sand n***er” or have his citizenship status questioned?

I have to keep these two spheres of my life separate, and it really sucks. My parents will never know that I do have an active social life and I do meet men. The men I love never seem to buy into the “my parents are racists and this is why you can’t have thanksgiving with us” excuse.

What can I do?

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~ by jamiesnydertv on October 2, 2009.

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