Taking time to breathe….

The last month or so I’ve been filling my off time with as much activity as possible. I’m taking weekend trips, going to clubs, bars, taking classes, working out at the gym, going to movies….I think I’m just filling up my brain.

But things are going pretty good actually. I think it might be safe to slow down a bit.

I’m still seeing Chaste Hug Guy.  Normally when I’m with someone, I’m all over the place. I’m thinking about everything but what I’m doing. I’ve always been one of those women who thinks about her errands during sex.

But not this time.

When I’m with Chaste Hug Guy, I’m not thinking about anything else. I’m usually not this focused. It was during an intense sexual rendezvous that I realized I was only thinking about the intense sexual rendezvous. For once, I didn’t have to work at clearing my mind in order to achieve climax. Lately I’ve really been able to let go of my attachments and really focus on what I am doing Right Now. Its such a wonderful feeling!

I helped my best friend propose to his girlfriend last weekend, and I was there, in the moment, focused.

When I’m studying and writing, I’m doing it with a single-mindedness that I’ve only dreamed about.

I’m eating one piece of food without worrying about the next piece of food.

I can have my pants fit a little snug and not hate myself.

I’ve found a bizarre calm in my life.

I love it!

Maybe I really needed this total leap of faith in order to find myself. It hurt more than I can describe, but growth always hurts. I feel like a whole person now.

I can’t wait to see what happens next!


~ by jamiesnydertv on November 21, 2009.

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