The Fuck-it List

Yesterday’s Metro disaster got me thinking (I was one or two trains behind the one that was hit, and I am OK, thanks to everyone who called) how close we all come to death on a regular basis.

Have I been living my life to the fullest? Probably not.

I have my list of things that I want to accomplish before I die, my bucket list, but the long walk home on Monday (the Metro stations had been closed following the accident) got me thinking about all the things I would have regretted had I gotten on the train 10 minutes earlier.

I’m calling it my fuck-it list.

1. Too often, I allow other people to impose a “curfew” on me. I sometimes leave functions earlier because so-and-so will get mad if I don’t get home/call at a reasonable hour. I’m an adult and I can stay out as late as I want. Fuck it.

2. I let myself feel guilty about not reading books that other people thing are great, and have a running list of  “things I haven’t read” in my mind. I will read what I want, when I want, and will not allow those in my environment decide that it is “improper” to be reading yet another book that actually interests me instead of some classic or political thesis that bores me to tears. Noam Chomsky Reader, you are going back to the library! Fuck it.

3. On a related note, if I start reading a book and it doesn’t interest me, I’ll stop reading it. Fuck it.

4. I refuse to buy clothes that don’t fit, no matter how cute/on sale they are. My closet doesn’t need to make another fashion statement. Fuck it.

5. I am not a “shoe person,” no matter how hard I try. Fuck it.

6. I spend way too many evenings and weekends at home. Some of my best memories are getting out of the house on a week night or getting up early on a Saturday to go out. Fuck it.

7. I don’t think I actually have trouble remembering people’s names, I think I’ve just told myself that I do, so I don’t bother trying to remember. Fuck it.

8. I thought I was so cool because I don’t own a TV, and thus look down with contempt upon people who begin conversations with “have you seen that show?,” even though I regularly begin conversations with “have you seen that blog?” It’s the same fucking thing. Even though I don’t spend any time in front of the TV, I spend way too much time in front of the computer. Fuck it.

9. I have a lot of alcohol-related regrets that stem from drinking at home, but zero that come from drinking out with friends. Now that I see the pattern, fuck it.

10. I shouldn’t feel bad about not inviting totally NOT FUN people to parties and events. Fuck it, and fuck them. They can stay home.

11.  I shouldn’t have to “justify” my speed of reading, frequency of sex, number of partners, how much I earn or other lifestyle metric to people who aren’t involved. Just who exactly am I trying to impress? Fuck it.

12. Sometimes nothing brightens my day more than a new pot of lip gloss, chapstick, lotion, or tiny eyeshadow. It is irrational, but I do not need to rationalize it to anybody. I do not need to justify cheering myself up.

That’s just for starters. I’m sure I’ll come up with more as I go along. If I died today, I don’t think I would be terribly concerned with the size of my vocabulary, number of YouTube subscriptions or even the size of my ass.

What’s on your fuck-it list?

~ by jamiesnydertv on June 24, 2009.