Ohm Shanti.

For once I am taking control of my own emotions and refusing to allow people to “make” me feel any way I do not wish to.

I’m opening the gates of my spirit and allowing all to enter, but not to leave a mess or take things that do not belong to them.

I’m learning, slowly, how to be a single person. It is difficult not to attempt to “schedule” this type of progress. I must let it happen. I will get there.

Still, I get lonely. I’d love nothing more than to see Chaste Hug Guy every day, but that’s not really feasible. I should instead be grateful for the time that I do have.

I feel that I’m completely over the end of my marriage, the man, and the division of a household, but acting like a married person is a hard habit to break.

It’s strange to me to come home late and not have anyone worried about me. The only one who gets mad at me anymore is my cat when I forget to feed him. I can play guitar at 6am and nobody is bothered. I can live off of Cliff Bars for a month and nobody says anything.

The freedom is often oppressive, and I don’t know what to do with my energy sometimes.

The answer of course is to spend this energy on myself.  I could go to the gym all day, take a class, make as much noise as I please and make impusive purchases that I don’t need to justify. I suppose the key is to find balance. My life is a pendulum of emotion right now, and eventually I will find my center.

~ by jamiesnydertv on February 1, 2010.